Cool Emails

Four friends, have a good laugh

2008-11-22T23:00:00.000-08:00

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel.

He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?" One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ....What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment."

The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends. !!!!!!!

Important Lesson

2008-11-08T05:39:00.000-08:00

LESSON: If opportunity doesn't knock the door; open the door and drag opportunity inside. Look below @ the example :-)

Breaking News !!! Part 1

2008-11-08T04:59:00.000-08:00

Hi... the other day I recieved two mails depicting the disgusting state of our News Channels and their style of reporting...

Check this out and do leave your comments.

Best Out of Office Auto Replies

2008-11-08T04:22:00.000-08:00

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless mails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will
be deleted in the order it was received.

4: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged £5.99 for the first ten words and £1.99 for each additional word in your message.

5: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

6: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

7: I've run away to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE PRIZE:

8: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ' Margaret ' instead of 'Steve'.

A Poetic Resignation letter

2008-11-08T03:43:00.000-08:00

The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig
The work or the brand;
what is my way?
I don’t know if I should stay.

To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say
My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don’t know if I should stay.

The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age
This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don’t know if I should stay.

The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate
Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don’t know if I should stay. !

The managers don’t know what they talk
The team doesn’t know where they walk
That’s a bad situation, what say?
I don’t know if I should stay.

I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace
I can’t keep switching day by day
I don’t know if I should stay.

The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess
No more will I walk their way,
It’s all done, I won’t stay.

Read this... cool one

2008-11-08T00:22:00.000-08:00

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shopwindow.For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said:

"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared me!".The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied,

"Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my 1stday as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years.

Smart Dog

2008-10-01T04:00:00.000-07:00

A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse attached around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's his turn to be waited on. A man, who is already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and notices the dog.

The butcher leaned over the counter and asked the dog what it wanted today. The dog put his paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said, "How many pounds?" The dog barked twice, so the butcher made a package of two pounds of ground beef.

He then said, "Anything else?" The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher said, "How many?" The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up a package of four pork chops.

The dog then walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get at the purse. The butcher took out the appropriate amount of money and tied the two packages of meat around the dog's neck.

The man who had been watching all this time, decided to follow the dog. It walked for several blocks and then trotted up to a house where it began to scratch the door to be let in.

As the owner appeared at the door, the man said to him, "That's a really smart dog you have there." The owner replied, "He's not all that smart. This is the second time this week he forgot his key."

Some Intersting Info

2008-09-26T04:32:00.000-07:00

01. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

02. A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

03. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

04. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

05. A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

06. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

07. A snail can sleep for three years.

08. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

09. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

10. Almonds are a member of the peach family.

11. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

12. Babies are born without kneecaps.

13. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

14. Butterflies taste with their feet.

15. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about Ten.

16. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "MT".

17. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

18. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

19. If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

20. If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

21.It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

22. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

23. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

24. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

25.Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

26. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

27. "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.

28. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

29. The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of die! Sel that it burns.

30. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

31. The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the l! Azy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.

32. The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

33. The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

34. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

35. There are more chickens than people in the world.

36. There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous

37. There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."

38. There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.

39. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

40. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

41. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

42. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

43. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself

Man Behind Control Alt Delete

2008-08-27T03:07:00.000-07:00

Keep the Spark Alive - By Chetan Bhagat

2008-08-27T02:28:00.000-07:00

Following is the Inaugural Speech for the new batch at the Symbiosis BBA program, Pune 23rd June, 2008

By Chetan Bhagat.

Good Morning everyone and thank you for giving me this chance to speak to you. This day is about you. You, who have come to this college, leaving the comfort of your homes (or in some cases discomfort), to become something in your life. I am sure you are excited. There are few days in human life when one is truly elated. The first day in college is one of them. When you were getting ready today, you felt a tingling in your stomach. What would the auditorium be like, what would the teachers be like, who are my new classmates - there is so much to be curious about. I call this excitement, the spark within you that makes you feel truly alive today. Today I am going to talk about keeping the spark shining. Or to put it another way, how to be happy most, if not all the time.

Where do these sparks start? I think we are born with them. My 3-year old twin boys have a million sparks. A little Spiderman toy can make them jump on the bed. They get thrills from creaky swings in the park. A story from daddy gets them excited. They do a daily countdown for birthday party – several months in advance – just for the day they will cut their own birthday cake.

I see students like you, and I still see some sparks. But when I see older people, the spark is difficult to find. That means as we age, the spark fades. People whose spark has faded too much are dull, dejected, aimless and bitter. Remember Kareena in the first half of Jab We Met vs the second half? That is what happens when the spark is lost. So how to save the spark?

Imagine the spark to be a lamp's flame. The first aspect is nurturing - to give your spark the fuel, continuously. The second is to guard against storms.

To nurture, always have goals. It is human nature to strive, improve and achieve full potential. In fact, that is success. It is what is possible for you. It isn't any external measure - a certain cost to company pay package, a particular car or house.

Most of us are from middle class families. To us, having material landmarks is success and rightly so. When you have grown up where money constraints force everyday choices, financial freedom is a big achievement. But it isn't the purpose of life. If that was the case, Mr. Ambani would not show up for work. Shah Rukh Khan would stay at home and not dance anymore. Steve Jobs won't be working hard to make a better iPhone, as he sold Pixar for billions of dollars already. Why do they do it? What makes them come to work everyday? They do it because it makes them happy. They do it because it makes them feel alive. Just getting better from current levels feels good. If you study hard, you can improve your rank. If you make an effort to interact with people, you will do better in interviews. If you practice, your cricket will get better. You may also know that you cannot become Tendulkar, yet. But you can get to the next level. Striving for that next level is important.

Nature designed with a random set of genes and circumstances in which we were born. To be happy, we have to accept it and make the most of nature's design. Are you? Goals will help you do that.

I must add, don't just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order.

There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.

You must have read some quotes - Life is a tough race, it is a marathon or whatever. No, from what I have seen so far, life is one of those races in nursery school, where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same with life, where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.

One last thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. One of my yoga teachers used to make students laugh during classes. One student asked him if these jokes would take away something from the yoga practice. The teacher said - don't be serious, be sincere. This quote has defined my work ever since. Whether its my writing, my job, my relationships or any of my goals. I get thousands of opinions on my writing everyday. There is heaps of praise, there is intense criticism. If I take it all seriously, how will I write? Or rather, how will I live? Life is not to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? It's ok, bunk a few classes, goof up a few interviews, fall in love. We are people, not programmed devices.

I've told you three things - reasonable goals, balance and not taking it too seriously that will nurture the spark. However, there are four storms in life that will threaten to completely put out the flame. These must be guarded against. These are disappointment, frustration, unfairness and loneliness of purpose.

Disappointment will come when your effort does not give you the expected return. If things don't go as planned or if you face failure. Failure is extremely difficult to handle, but those that do come out stronger. What did this failure teach me? is the question you will need to ask. You will feel miserable. You will want to quit, like I wanted to when nine publishers rejected my first book. Some IITians kill themselves over low grades – how silly is that? But that is how much failure can hurt you. But it's life. If challenges could always be overcome, they would cease to be a challenge. And remember - if you are failing at something, that means you are at your limit or potential. And that's where you want to be.

Disappointment's cousin is frustration, the second storm. Have you ever been frustrated? It happens when things are stuck. This is especially relevant in India. From traffic jams to getting that job you deserve, sometimes things take so long that you don't know if you chose the right goal. After books, I set the goal of writing for Bollywood, as I thought they needed writers. I am called extremely lucky, but it took me five years to get close to a release. Frustration saps excitement, and turns your initial energy into something negative, making you a bitter person. How did I deal with it? A realistic assessment of the time involved – movies take a long time to make even though they are watched quickly, seeking a certain enjoyment in the process rather than the end result – at least I was learning how to write scripts, having a side plan – I had my third book to write and even something as simple as pleasurable distractions in your life - friends, food, travel can help you overcome it. Remember, nothing is to be taken seriously. Frustration is a sign somewhere, you took it too seriously.

Unfairness - this is hardest to deal with, but unfortunately that is how our country works. People with connections, rich dads, beautiful faces, pedigree find it easier to make it – not just in Bollywood, but everywhere. And sometimes it is just plain luck. There are so few opportunities in India, so many stars need to be aligned for you to make it happen. Merit and hard work is not always linked to achievement in the short term, but the long term correlation is high, and ultimately things do work out. But realize, there will be some people luckier than you. In fact, to have an opportunity to go to college and understand this speech in English means you are pretty damn lucky by Indian standards. Let's be grateful for what we have and get the strength to accept what we don't. I have so much love from my readers that other writers cannot even imagine it. However, I don't get literary praise. It's ok. I don't look like Aishwarya Rai, but I have two boys who I think are more beautiful than her. It's OK. Don't let unfairness kill your spark.

Finally, the last point that can kill your spark is isolation. As you grow older you will realize you are unique. When you are little, all kids want Ice cream and Spiderman. As you grow older to college, you still are a lot like your friends. But ten years later and you realize you are unique. What you want, what you believe in, what makes you feel, may be different from even the people closest to you. This can create conflict as your goals may not match with others. . And you may drop some of them. Basketball captains in college invariably stop playing basketball by the time they have their second child. They give up something that meant so much to them. They do it for their family. But in doing that, the spark dies. Never, ever make that compromise. Love yourself first, and then others.

There you go. I've told you the four thunderstorms - disappointment, frustration, unfairness and isolation. You cannot avoid them, as like the monsoon they will come into your life at regular intervals. You just need to keep the raincoat handy to not let the spark die.

I welcome you again to the most wonderful years of your life. If someone gave me the choice to go back in time, I will surely choose college. But I also hope that ten years later as well, your eyes will shine the same way as they do today. That you will Keep the Spark alive, not only through college, but through the next 2,500 weekends. And I hope not just you, but my whole country will keep that spark alive, as we really need it now more than any moment in history. And there is something cool about saying - I come from the land of a billion sparks.

Thank You!

Cricket Se Aapko Kya Mila ??

2008-05-25T04:06:00.000-07:00

Cricket frenzied nation India never thinks what are we getting out of following Cricket.......

Check out this sexy take out from Zapak.com in the form of this music video

BEING IN TWENTIES - SOMETHING

2008-05-14T05:47:00.000-07:00

I considered this mail as just another forward till i read it. Worth a read atleast once.. What do u say ??

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

Send this to your twenty-something friends... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

FATE DETERMINES WHO COMES INTO OUR LIVES.....HEART DETERMINES WHO STAYS

PRICELESS WORDS (ITS AWESOME)

2008-04-19T02:04:00.000-07:00

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple
of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless,
clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.
Love You!"

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there
is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last
night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when
you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything
in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she
tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said,

"LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"

Moral
Self-induced hangover - $ 400.00
Broken crockery - $ 800.00
Breakfast - $ 10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk - "PRICELESS "

There are truly some things that both money and Mastercard can't buy :-)

Funny Marriage qotes

2008-04-05T20:17:00.000-07:00

1. If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

2. My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

3. My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

4. With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

5. My wife was afraid of the dark...then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

6. I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

7. I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

8. My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

9. We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

10. What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Woody Allen on Marriage..

11. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

12. Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

13. In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

14. When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. -Prince Philip

15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
George Carlin quotes

16. Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
Irwin Corey quotes

17. “Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts”
-Jeff Foxworthy

18. "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
-Groucho Marx

19. By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
More funny Socrates quotes

20. “The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.” -H.V. Prochnow

21. “I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.” -Lyndon B. Johnson

22. “The total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution.” -Bertrand Russell

23. “It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.” -Robert Frost

24. I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

25. Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage. William Shakespeare quotes

Google lets offline users get Web-based documents

2008-04-02T11:40:00.000-07:00

Google Inc. is giving selected Google Docs users offline editing access to documents and may roll out the program more broadly in the next few weeks.

Mountain View-based Google (NASDAQ: GOOG) said in a blog posting that offline access is offered in English for the time being but other languages may be added soon.

Google said users of Google Docs can automatically save their work to a PC, making it available in places such as airplanes, where they cannot connect to the Internet.

The upgrade to Google's Web-based programs is part of an effort to lure customers away from Redmond, Wash.-based Microsoft Corp. (NASDAQ: MSFT), maker of the dominant Office suite of office productivity software. Several other companies are also vying for a part of that market by offering free Web-based office productivity tools, including Pleasanton-based Zoho, a unit of AdvantNet Inc., and San Jose-based ThinkFree Inc.

Google created its Docs offering in 2006 after the purchase of the Web-based word processor Writely from the company Upstartle. Google combines Writely with its own Google Spreadsheets.

Funny Quotes

2008-04-02T01:49:00.000-07:00

Quotes this time ;-)

[slideshare id=42544&doc=funny-quotes-4867&w=425]

Arz kiya hai….

2008-04-02T01:34:00.000-07:00

Arz kiya hai….

Gulab ka phul, baag mein khil raha hai,

Jasmine ka phul,chaman mein khil raha hai,

kamal ka phul talab mein tair raha hai,

Wah wah ….

Arz kiya hai….

Gulab ka phul, baag mein khil raha hai,

Jasmine ka phul,chaman mein khil raha hai,

kamal ka phul talab mein tair raha hai,
.
.
.
Aur ARPIL ka phul mera email padh raha hai!!!

wah wah wah wah !!!

wah wah wah wah !!!

Hahaha…

Funny Commercials Part 2

2008-04-01T03:47:00.000-07:00

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvTU0rlhBVw]

Six Phases of a Project

2008-04-01T02:08:00.000-07:00

Mentioned below are 6 stages in a project life cycle.. How True!!

1) Enthusiasm

2) Disillusionment

3) Panic

4) Search for the guilty

5) Punishment of the innocent

6) Praise and honours for non-participants

California 'UFO' Pictures Create Online Buzz

2008-03-29T01:03:00.000-07:00

[digg=http://digg.com/odd_stuff/California_UFO_Pictures_Create_Online_Buzz]

Hi all.. Found an interesting article on Digg abt some UFO spotted in California..

Could the quiet seaside town of Capitola end up challenging Roswell, N.M., as the country's capital for extraterrestrials? The city 90 minutes south of San Francisco is getting national attention after pictures of a strange flying object surface on the Web.

read more

An Extremely Compelling "LOST" Theory

2008-03-28T05:28:00.000-07:00

Hello Guys & Gurlz..

I f you are an LOST fan and would like to read abt an compelling theory on the storyline of LOST, I strongly recommend reading the following article.

P.S. It might act as an Spoiler to your LOST theories ;-)

This guy may actually have it all figured out.

Read more

Homer on Work!

2008-03-27T16:20:00.000-07:00

Homer: I'm no supervising technician, I'm a technical supervisor.

Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Homer: Son, I'm proud of you. I was twice your age before I figured that out.

Homer: Marge, I can't wear a pink shirt to work. Everybody wears white shirts. I'm not popular enough to be different...

Marge: I'm not sure about the people Bart's working for. I think they're criminals.
Homer: A job's a job. I mean, take me. If my plant pollutes the water and poisons the town, by your logic, that would make me a criminal.

Homer: Yeah, you know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

Homer: If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing!

Burns: I suggest you leave immediately.
Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs, or the bees, or the dog with bees in their mouths, and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? Well, go ahead. Do your worst.

Homer: Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

Homer: If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

Homer: Kill my boss? Do I dare to live out the American dream?

Homer: [reading screen] "To Start Press Any Key". Where's the ANY key? I see Esk ["ESC"], Catarl ["CTRL"], and Pig-Up ["PGUP"]. There doesn't seem to be any ANY key. Woo! All this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a TAB. [presses TAB key]

Homer: Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike: you just go in every day and do it really half assed. That's the American way.

Bart: Dad, wake up. [Homer was sleeping at nuclear plant.]
Homer: I'm awake. I'm awake. I'm protected member of the team. You can't fire me, I quit! Please, I have a family.

Homer: You heard me, I won't be in for the rest of the week. ... I told you! My baby beat me up! ... No, it is not the worst excuse I ever thought up. ...

Homer: I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

Heavy Workload!!!

2008-03-23T22:59:00.000-07:00

Hi all... Being in IT industry with all the work load, we sure do require this facility ;-)

A Cute Email Signature

2008-03-23T05:26:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine (Rajesh Pednekar) has an unique and cute style of email signature. Have a look.

Get all the Cool Emails in Your Inbox...

2008-03-23T04:50:00.000-07:00

Hi friends :-)

You can now recieve all the emails posted here, directly in your mailbox!!

Click Here 2 Subscribe to Cool & Funny Emails by Email

A true Love story……………………….. Must read!!

2008-03-23T03:26:00.000-07:00

A boy and a girl were in love.

When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it.

Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a happy future.

The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them .

At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home thru a local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back I will allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each other truly."

So in this way, their love won and they returned home.

The couple next day went to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was dressed in a white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and hit him and he died on the spot.

The girl was devastated and lost her senses. It was only after sometime that she recovered from her shock.

The funeral and cremation was the very next day because he had died horribly.

Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood
stains of the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.

The next night her father had the same dream , he also ignored it. Then the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes with the blood stains immediately.

She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream. She again washed the stains but some
still remained. But again the next night she had the same dream and this time the old lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something terrible would happen.

This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains, and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.

She was very tired. In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home, someone knocked on the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old lady of her dream standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted.

The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue object, which shocked the girl. She asked "What is this...?" The old lady replied...

...

A Virgin's worst nightmare

2008-03-23T03:07:00.000-07:00

Here is a funny Sex driven chain letter...

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a

big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that

after dinner, she would like to go out and make love

for the first time.

* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex

before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get

some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and

the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and

sex.

* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many

condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family

pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he

thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents

house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm

so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table

where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly

offers to say grace and bows his head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,

with his head down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the

girlfriend leans over and whispers to the

boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your

father was a pharmacist."

* * * * * * * * *

If you DON'T forward this in 1 minute you will

have bad sex for life!!!

&while i'm at it.

Because u opened this, u will get kissed on friday by

the person u luv!! & 2morrow will be da best day of ur life, so

DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN!!!!!! IF U BREAK IT, U WILL HAVE

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS FOR THE NEXT TEN YEARS!!!!!!!!

Funniest Joke

2008-03-22T03:14:00.000-07:00

Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing.

Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.

Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day........." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta.

Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him.

Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.

The boss asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?"

Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!"

My Bike!!

2008-03-21T04:29:00.000-07:00

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be selfsufficient gets word that he is to return home.

He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief: "This is a tree."

The chief looks at the tree and grunts: "Tree."

The missionary is pleased with the response.

They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says: "This is a rock."

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts: "Rock."

The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds: "Riding a bike."

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them!

The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other! How could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied: "My bike."

Management Decisions

2008-03-21T04:25:00.000-07:00

Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K. Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were
travelling in an Auto Rickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of
them died. Yama was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.
He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN. But, for Laloo, Yama had already
decided that he should be sent to HELL. Laloo is not at all happy with this
decision.

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of
them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public
positions, etc. Then why the differential treatment? He felt that there
should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decisionis made;
and should not be just based on opinion or preconceived notions.

Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test.

PVNR is asked to spell "INDIA" and he does it correctly.

Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND" and he too passes.

It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell "CZECHOSLOVAKIA".

Laloo protests that he doesn't know English. He says this is not fair and
that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false
intent.

Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance
assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal
platform for all three).

1. PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and passes.
2. Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.
3. Laloo is asked to write* "BANDAR BOLA GRRRRRR....."* Tough one. He fails again.

Laloo is extremely unhappy. Having been a student of history (which the
other two weren't), he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test
in history Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would
not take any more tests.
1. PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence?". He replied "1947" and passed.
2. Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?" He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000.Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
3. It's Laloo's turn now.Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each
of the 200,000 who died in the independence struggle. Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

*Moral of the story : **IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE. *

Funnnyyyy

2008-03-19T02:00:00.000-07:00

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells
her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their
friends.

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best
Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your
Friends.

7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a
forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL
him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will
just throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him
because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in
your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in
your life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you
from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please
PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per
Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein

INTERVIEW OF WARREN BUFFET

2008-03-18T05:38:00.000-07:00

There was a one hour interview on CNBC with Warren Buffet, the second richest man who has donated $31 billion to charity. Here are some very interesting aspects of his life:

1. He bought his first share at age 11 and he now regrets that he started too late!

2. He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers.

3. He still lives in the same small 3-bedroom house in mid-town Omaha , that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says that he has everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a wall or a fence.

4. He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him.

5. He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world's largest private jet company.

6. His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only one letter each year to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis. He has given his CEO's only two rules. Rule number 1: do not lose any of your share holder's money. Rule number 2: Do not forget rule number 1.

7. He does not socialize with the high society crowd. His past time after he gets home is to make himself some pop corn and watch Television.

8. Bill Gates, the world's richest man met him for the first time only 5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with Warren Buffet. So he had scheduled his meeting only for half hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates became a devotee of Warren Buffet.

9. Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone, nor has a computer on his desk.

His advice to young people: "Stay away from credit cards and invest in yourself and Remember:

A. Money doesn't create man but it is the man who created money.

B. Live your life as simple as you are.

C. Don't do what others say, just listen to them, but do what makes you feel good.

D. Don't go on brand name; just wear those things in which you feel comfortable.

E. Don't waste your money on unnecessary things; just spend on things that you really need.

F. After all it's your life, then why give others the chance to rule your life."

Did You know This ??

2008-03-18T04:05:00.000-07:00

1. Coca-Cola was originally green.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
3. The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that they start with.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
5. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters
only on one row of the keyboard.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
8. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath..
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
9. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
10. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you Sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
11. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
12. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the
toughest tongue twister in the English language.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to Suppress a sneeze; you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck
and die.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
14. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from
History. "Spades" - King David; "Clubs" - Alexander the Great;
" Hearts" - Charlemagne; "Diamonds" - Julius Caesar.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
15. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
16. If a statue of a warrior on a horse has both front legs
in the air, the person died in battle. If the
horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has a all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural
causes.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
17 What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and
laser printers all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
18. Honey - This is the only food that doesn't spoil.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
19. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
20. A snail can sleep for three years.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
21. All polar bears are left handed.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
22. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive
from each salad served in first-class.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
23. Butterflies taste with their feet.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
24. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
25. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
26. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
27. Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
28. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
29. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
30. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
31. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
body to squirt blood 30 feet.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
32. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over
million descendants.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
33. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
34. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
35. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
36. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
37. And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

Marketing Re Defined

2008-03-18T03:52:00.000-07:00

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"

That's Direct Marketing.

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says,
"He's very rich.Marry him."

That's Advertising.

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call
and say "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."

That's Telemarketing.

4. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten
your tie, You walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door
for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then
say, "By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"

That's Public Relations.

5. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and
says,"You are very richâ?¦"

That's Brand Recognition.

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm
rich.Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

That's Customer Feedback!!!! !

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am
very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband

That's demand and supply gap.

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you
say, I am very rich. Marry me!" she turns her face towards you
------------ she is your wife!

That's competition eating into your market share.

Hope you learnt marketing.

If you have been in IT industry too long these are your symptoms ...

2008-03-18T03:46:00.000-07:00

1.) U use phrases like "No issues" and "Value addition" in everyday parlance. For e.g. When talking about your doodhwalla, U say, "His milk does zero value addition to my health but he is the only guy around so no issues"

2.) Ur prime source of entertainment is the forwards send to U by friends whose faces U cant remember.

3) U drink more tea or coffee than water.

4) U keep trying to shut down ur home computer by pressing Ctrl+Alt+ Del (used to lock office comps)

5) When ur mobile rings at home, U rush outside to receive thecall.

6) When U make calls at home, U accidentally dial "0"to get an outside line.

7) U haven't played Solitaire with real cards in years.

8) Ur last crush was a girl in HR, ur current crush is the new girl in HR and all ur crushes in the future will be girls in HR.

9) U spend the entire day reading forwards, smoking cigarettes, drinking tea/coffee and playing T.T. and then complain about the late working hours.

10.) Ur important 'meetings' usually comprise two or three people max, including yourself.

11) U secretly prepare for CAT only to find ur TL sitting behind you at the exam.

13.) U keep pressing Ctrl+Enter wondering why your gmail is not going.

14.) U email ur mate who works at the desk next to U.

15.) As U read this list, U r thinking of sending it to ur friends who are also in IT.

16.)U r too busy to notice there was no line no. 12

17.)U r not sure so u scroll back check it .

18.)And now u r smiling!!!!

Excuse Me!!???

2008-03-18T03:34:00.000-07:00

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
"LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR."

At a Budapest zoo:
"PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY."

Doctors' office, Rome:
"SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES."

Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
"DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS."

In a Nairobi restaurant:
"CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER."

On an Indian river highway:
"TAKE NOTICE - WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE."

In a City restaurant:
"OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS."

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
"DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS."

In a cemetery:
"PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY, BUT THEIR OWN,GRAVES."

Tokyo hotel's rules ad regulations:
"GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIORS IN BED."

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
"OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR."

In a Tokyo bar:
"SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS."

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
"THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID."

Hotel, Japan:
"YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID."

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
"YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY."

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
"IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE."

Hotel, Zurich:
"BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE."

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
"WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?"

In the window on a Swedish furrier:
"FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN."

The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
"GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE."

In a Swiss mountain inn:
"SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM."

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
"WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS."

A laundry in Rome:
"LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME."

Farewell Letter

2008-03-17T03:37:00.000-07:00

On Googling, I found this funny resignation letter written by Chris Kula, a comedy writer in New York City.

Read on.

Dear Co-Workers,

As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type “Today is my last day.”

For nearly as long as I’ve worked here, I’ve hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of my managers: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake - it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.

Over the past three years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.
Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, “mostly satisfactory.” That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after even a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of mostly satisfactory scotch.

And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.

But to those few souls with whom I’ve actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:

To Rudy: I will always remember sharing lunch with you, despite having clearly labeled it with my name.

To Steven: I will miss detecting your flatulence as much as you will clearly miss walking past my cubicle to deliver it.

To Eileen: Best wishes on your ongoing campaign to popularize these “email forwards.” I sincerely hope you receive that weekend full of good luck, that hug from an old friend, and that baby for your dusty womb.

To Felix: I left a new wristwatch on your desk. It is so that you might be able to still tell time even without your hourly phone call to let me know the copier is jammed. (Call Steven – he’ll come by.)

And finally, to Kat: you were right - I tested positive. We’ll talk later.

So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the individual who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience like a sponge and soak it up like a good woman, because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.
Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.

Very truly yours,
Chris Kula

SMS #2

2008-03-16T04:11:00.000-07:00

Wife asked her husband:

How many women he had slept with?

Husband proudly replies, only you darling, with others I was awake!!

Money issue

2008-03-15T04:11:00.000-07:00

A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing
happened. Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, with a subject "Money issue"
they decided to forward it to the Finance minister as a joke.

Chidambaram was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send
the little boy Rs.20. He thought this would appear to be a lot of
money to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank
you note to God, which read:

'Dear God:
Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed
that you sent it through the 'Finance Minister's Office in New Delhi', and
That b@#%&^d deducted Rs.30 in gift tax .....'

Honest Answers

2008-03-15T03:20:00.000-07:00

Wonder what will happen if we answer our Interviews this way?? Ne wayz Enjoy!!

1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this one and it's just that you called me first.

2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company, whoever gives me a job, I don't have any specific company in mind.

3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.

4. What would you do if this happened?
Well, it depends on my mindset and mood in that situation...

5. What is your biggest strength?
I dare to join any company who pays me well, without thinking about the fate of company.

6. What is your biggest weakness?
Girls

Another Chain Letter...

2008-03-15T02:19:00.000-07:00

The shortest chain letter i have received, even then does the sender think we believe this crap...

A big hello to you guys, forward this to at least 11 people and see what happens on your screen. You will laugh your head off!!!!!!!!!!!

If you forward it to 11 people a video comes on your screen. this works. I don't know how...but it works.
Somehow, from the return path generated, you'll receive something, and IT IS FUNNY!!!

This is The coolest thing I have ever gotten. All you have to do is send it to 11 people and watch your screen.
It is the funniest clip. almost fell off my chair!!! So, send it to those 11 people and watch.

ps: it is really true. Pass it around.

If Ne one of you trried this please let us know...

HER Diary v/s HIS Diary

2008-03-15T01:57:00.000-07:00

HER DIARY
------------------

Day night, I thought he was acting
weird. We had made plans to meet at a
cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends
all day long, soI
thought he was upset at the fact that I
was a bit late,
but he made no comment.Conversation wasn't flowing so

I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but

he kept quiet and absent. I asked
him what was wrong - he said,

"Nothing."I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it
had
nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept
driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say,
"I love u,too."When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he
wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent.Finally
I
decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided
that I could not take it anymore,

so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen
asleep.

I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what
to
do. I'm almost sure that his thoughtsare with someone else.

My life is a disaster.
_______________________________

HIS DIARY
==========

Today India lost the cricket match
against bangladesh.

DAMN
IT.

NOW that's called

Simplicity of Men
Vs
Complexity of Women !!!

Sardar Blunders

2008-03-15T01:43:00.000-07:00

Santa Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport size photograph
of his son (for college admission). Accidently,the photo fell down from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a woman's saree. He asked her "Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph"

The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital.

He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him,in a worse condition.
Banta explained what happened to him He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel....

Re Defining English

2008-03-15T01:21:00.000-07:00

This email was sent to me by my dear friend Anish a long time back... It has amused me since then and now here it is:

The English Language

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English
Language?

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.

Learnings as I Mature

2008-03-13T23:40:00.000-07:00

Aussie T-Shirts

2008-03-13T22:37:00.000-07:00

Steve Bucknor – Can't see, can't hear, way past his expiry date!Evolution

The Australian Spirit of Cricket

Gabbar Singh bahut nakhush hain!

Resignation Letter

2008-03-13T22:33:00.000-07:00

A Boss looking through his Mail Box was astonished to see a mail from an Employee who was supposed to be busy working at Client side on a critical project. It had the subject - "TaTa - Bye Bye". With the worst premonition he opened the mail and read the content with trembling hands:-

Dear Sir,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving the job. The offer was too lucrative and attractive for me to turn down. I had to abscond because I wanted to avoid a scene with the HR and you. I am sorry but I had no choice.

The project is working fine. There are only 108 issues pending, out of which only 38% issues are High Priority. Hence I am sure there is no need to worry about. The next Phase of major enhancements I have been working upon, have been completed halfway. I am sure the new person who would replace me would not understand what all I had done so far. Hence, for his and your convenience, I have taken care to remove all the work that I had been doing this far for nearly 3 months now. I am sure you will appreciate my insight and "big heart".

I am of course retaining the Originals that I had retrieved for the purpose of Passport verification with me, considering it as a parting gift from you. Of course, I will not pay the bond amount that I owe the company (since I Am breaking the bond). But I will consider this as a parting gift from our Dear company. I moving out of town since the new company is situated in another City.

Also, I have changed my contact number. So you will not be able to get in touch with me, to congratulate me. But I know your blessings are always with me. Last but not the least. I also have the Rs 12000 entrusted to me by our company's cultural events group, for the upcoming movie event. I am sure you would have wanted me to keep it with myself as an added bonus from our company. I respect you very much, hence your wish is my command.

Don't worry sir. I am 2 years experienced now, learning so much from your company. So I will surely use this knowledge to write better programs for the new company. Someday I'm sure we will meet sometime in the future. If you wish, I will surely be glad to give my employee reference for you to apply for a job in the new company which I am joining.

Your faithful employee,
S. W. Engineer

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PS". Hands still trembling, the Boss read:

PS: Dearest Boss, none of the above is true. I'm am still busy working at client side. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my "Request to reconsider my Salary Appraisal" attached with this mail. Please approve it and call when it is safe for me to come to our Office to discuss this.

My respect and Best Regards to you!

Nice One !!

2008-03-13T22:07:00.000-07:00

Baap of All!!!

2008-03-13T19:34:00.000-07:00

I want to thank all my friends and other unknown people who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2003, 2004, 2005 and 2006 & 2007.

Because of your kindness:

I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it's good only for removing toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS

I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda , Singapore and Tokyo.

I also stopped drinking water outside for fear that I will get sick from the rat shit and urine.

When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...)

My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.

Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Dalai Lama, Ganesh Vandana, Tirupathi Balaji pics etc..

Now most of those "Wishes" are already married (to someone else)!

If ORKUT deletes my account, it doesn't matter BUT PLEASE DON'T SEND me
"Orkut is deleting accounts: Due to sudden rush..." Otherwise I'll delete my E-Mail account!